This may seem like a response post to my sister’s and the other panel writer of this blog , “the art of making difficult decisions.” It was the last posted blog on the site and I hope you have given it a view or else this may sound a little off the track. Also apart from responding to it, it has been an emotion waiting to erupt with the slightest spark. I may sound like I almost want to begin a revolution on this but maybe it is just a desperate plea to the remaining of my single friends and sisters. Hear me out on this one.
I ended the last accompanying introduction on the above mentioned post with a question (if you have been following us on Instagram that is.) Does marriage have to change who we are?
My sister so passionately wrote the article on the fierce and spirited writer Jane Austen and her true life romance as most say and it stirred up an emotion that had been troubling me for a while now. Before you do wonder why, a little about myself before I proceed further. Born a Cancer – Leo cusp, high on the ideas of emotions and love with a hint of Leo arrogance and rage when triggered on some rare occasions, I come off as a very emotional person in general. Also the explanation behind my closet full of feelings is also the fact that I fall under the ISFJ bracket of nuts that wear their hearts on their sleeves and don’t mind dropping it on the first given opportunity. This again may make sense to you if you have been following the popular diversification of humans trough the Myers – Briggs Type Indicator. Introverted.Sensing. Feeling and Judging. Summarises me in four words precisely and makes me, me.
In the recent years I have found myself on the one ended side of “sorry I have kids now” and sorry “I am married now and my priorities have changed, I hope you understand.” Hopeless as much as I can say and pointless in asking again too, but I always wondered why friendships and past relationships take a hit. Though I do understand that marriage is no joke and certainly not a bed of roses, the hard work and dedication one puts in becoming a devoted wife doesn’t come easy at all times. It takes hard work to keep a marriage working but when you’ve worked so hard to achieve so much for yourself it does seem a little disappointing in this day and age when women aren’t able to be that for themselves after ceremonious vows and a surname change. Maybe my disappointment stems from the fact that I have seen these cases around me far too often.
Just in the last couple of days as well, my sister and I were reminiscing on the golden days of singlehood and all the time we had on our hands to make impromptu trips and treat ourselves to weekend breaks both near and far for the most varied excuses. Things have changed now that she has married and even more now that she has become a mother as well. I however, feel like the last one left out in all honesty. I was just beginning to enjoy our breaks and trips, her company, her total lack of coordination and organisation, her tardiness without panic at the airport, her lack of understanding why boarding early gave you good cabin luggage space and zero interaction with fellow row partners, her multiple stops at Starbucks and impulsive decisions on the road and finally just how distinctly poles apart we were from each other in the nitty gritty of things. Somewhat the same familiar feeling comes to you when your best friend forces you on a ride at the theme park and just when you begin to enjoy it , you realise it’s the last lap your token is valid for. All this while I still am happy and overjoyed at her settling down.
I wasn’t so pessimistic, if anything I was the most enthusiastic kid my family had seen with a keen interest to marry when in Grade 1. Yes, this is one of those stories you avoid huge family Christmas gatherings because they always seem to make its way to the table in method of a joke. I would come home every day after school proclaiming I am getting married to the poor soul of a boy who would be my seat partner that day. Literally every afternoon after school. Embarrassingly enough the names would change as my seat did and so on my parents had the idea I was the one who wouldn’t flinch to say yes to the first available proposal. This continued well into my teens when I was probably the young 1,3 thirteen I still thought that definitely by my present age the big 3,1 thirty one I would be settled happily with a husband, kids and a dog back then when I was a dog person. But reality bites, I have just turned the big 3,1 and NO. Job jumps, dreaming of trips abroad rather than THE trip down the aisle and turns out I am a crazy cat lady. But I will not complain. I have had my fair share of sunshine maybe on my own but I still did. Oh how I wish I could whisk my sister away for a day or two with no care or worry even now. That maybe about the trips, but lot of women lose out on their identities, their talents and passions and things they love to do. My own mother I can confess had to be one them , crying out her life on her maiden flight to a foreign land where her husband awaited her arrival to begin a new life. She took it in her stride, just few months short of her own graduation ceremony and already married to give us the best of opportunities as expat children while being his pillar of strength for 40 years and beyond. While I understand juggling hats requires much effort I remain convinced it is a matter of choice. Until then I can hope to enjoy the singlehood days without whining, drives with the best friend and outings on short notice and of course quick lunches with the sister and the nephew.
And before I end up being judged on my take on married women, I still know a lot of women who do a commendable job at it. My sister being one of them herself. Devoted and loving wife, doting mother to a preemie and 3 cats and daughter to in house in laws, author of blogs and a book in the pipeline. It doesn’t come easy but she makes it look possible. So there’s hope for the likes of me. After all women aren’t simply called the “masters of multi tasking”.